Nicky.
So, once you’re laying beneath a good few feet of dirt in a limited area of plexiglass and not aware that you’re above some semtex explosives you begin to take in the thoughts of well.. death. Oh! Did I mention the gun beside me and the death note recorded by my kidnapper himself as well?
Well there we are. My death will be known but probably never found. My rotting corpse just becoming part of the earth. That’s why I decided to speak my shaken words into the tape recorder. I said this..
“My Name’s Nick Stokes and if anyone finds this tape turn it into the LVPD, there should be a reward. “ I gasped momentarily to take a desperate breath.
“Mom.. Cisco.” The Texan twang in my voice broke as I thought of my family, probably never going to see them again. My lips trembled in agony as I kept at the sight of their faces in my head. “I know this is a lowsy way to say goodbye but it’s all I got.” I ranted on terrified at having to even say goodbye to my loved ones. “I love you.., you raised me right and I’m gonna miss you.” I do now.
My lips had now pulled back across my teeth to hold back the sobbing that desperately wanted to escape from my mouth. “And as for the rest of you guys, I know you did the best you could to find me.”
And then, it was time for him. “Grissom..” When speaking my goodbye into the recorder, I never would have guessed that my mentor and somewhat dad like figure was watching and taking in my lip movements to what I was saying. He would respond to my goodbye and I would never know that. I said what I needed to him...
Thinking I was done with my life and what was needed to be done before I let my body rid it’s self from life. My heart throbbed and I remembered there was one more person I needed to say goodbye to.
I cleared my groggy throat, my voice still rough and harsh when I spoke. “Greg, you for one are an exceptional being. If it wasn’t for you my gun would be the cause for a mangled head finished with blood spatter and brain bits. You will never know how you were the hero in this that stopped a supposedly strong man from committing suicide. And so I brace myself to let myself die out. Not finish it off before hand.” What was I doing? Speaking depressing thoughts in a loved ones goodbye? Well then again, probably no one would find this..
“I love you, Gregory.” I could only chuckle weakly as I felt barely any humour from the name of the man I loved.. “This box wouldn’t be half as bad if you lay beside me. But considering the measurements, I’d say you’d have to be on top of me.” I closed my sore eyes at the thought of love and compassion I would give the man I dreamed to be with, never would be with. Never have the chance to even try..
“My mind whilst being in this box has mainly been spent on you. I’ve missed working cases with you, Greggo. You had born talent to be a CSI, I wish to be the first one to tell you that but I’m guessing this will just get caught up with my corpse and earth around me.” My eyes clenched more harder together, I was comforted by the black drift that my closed eyes caused. “I wish that these circumstances had’nt made me open my heart and spill it out in a very bad manner. I apologise. I wish I had the strength before hand and tell you that.. I love you sweet hyper Greggo, who honestly I am so proud of.”
I sighed a deep withdrawal and slung my hand that held the recorder to my side, hitting the glass with a thump. Knowing it still recorded, I kept on my feelings. The thought of Greg soothing me whilst I floated in the darkness. “I’d touch you with every chance I got when I spoke to you because thinking back now it’s pathetic but I felt I was leaving a piece of me on you. A simple touch was a beautiful harmony to me and every small cheeky glance I got from you was pure lust to me.”
I lost myself in the darkness and chuckled quietly at my words. I was laughing as death cornered me more. I could throw humour around when I was near to being nothing but another victim. I could do this because of Greg.
“Really like your hair now, though. Your fringe flaps into those chocolate eyes and when you smile it could take my breath away.” I paused, seeing a small glimpse of Greg in my mind. Truly beautiful. “People would think I was asthmatic.” Was my ears deceiving me? Or was I actually laughing out loud that my echoes bounced right off the glass and onto my still comic state. I calmed in seconds.
“I bet you’re still playing that game Hodges made up, I saw you in your zone before going to my case.” It was then I realised, I was still in my box. My thoughts on Greg had caused me to believe I was in a dreamy state.. in my bed. Greg wouldn’t be joking and throwing a dice around though. He’d be doing his ever best to find a way to find me, all of them would be.
I only managed to let out a small whimper. “Oh..” I didn’t dare open my eyes, I was sick of the brown landscape of dirt all around me. Darkness and Greg’s face was all I needed. Would I die soon? Or was I already dead?
Was my heaven filled with never ending darkness and Greg?
A eternity of black didn’t thrill me, though Greg made up for that. But it was then, I felt a cold trail leave my locked lids, and travel along down my cheek then turn to the direction of my ear. I was laying down of course. That was the clear answer that I needed to know I was still alive.
I didn’t have the strength or care to wipe away that single tear. I was too dry for any more to come and in some ways, I was glad. Also the tape was still recording and I didn’t want my sobs to be a soundtrack for them all. That’s if they found the tape.
Even if Greg didn’t feel anything towards me like I did to him, I didn’t want him to hear how I broke down in this god forsaken hell hole.
I breathed a deep breath until I coughed, choking on what felt like thin air. My eyes shot open, staring blankly at the brown pile above me. My thoughts on Greg had made me realise, I needed him. I didn’t need to die today. I could be found. But would I?
I need Greg now. I can’t die and leave him clueless. He should be loved, man or woman. If I can’t do it for him then I would suffer in silence. I needed that chance though.
I gasped as I felt the limited air, I cried a piercing shriek knowing I was near to what I dreamt for earlier. Now it was just a cowardly exit. Gun or no gun. I can’t leave those chocolate eyes to cry at my funeral. No I need to stick this out.
My gasps became panicked though, my mind told me I was going to survive no matter what. But my breaths and cries told a different story. I was dying and I would soon be slammed across Dr Al’s table ready to be opened up just like any other victim they had for him.
Nick Stokes, born and bred Texan was going to die, leaving his true love alone. Greg’s friend will have died, his heart would be broke but not in a way if he was my lover. I longed for to be, but I was too scared then.
I’m scared now as the recorder still recorded my panic, my death. I let out a piercing cry before panting more and I felt a salty tear flee into my mouth. “I miss you.” I spoke out, breathlessly.
Bye..
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