I love you and I'm okay with that. by FireGirl31 [Reviews - 2]

“I love you, and I’m okay with that,” I think to myself. “Even if I never say it, I have no problem with loving you. I would say it if I could… if I thought you would be okay with it. But I know you won't, so I just say it inside my head… I haven’t even said it when I was home alone thinking of you. I’m not ashamed of how I feel… it’s just…. everyone knows you are THE Ladies’ Man. And I’m not quite a lady. “

I hear myself snort in disgust, but thankfully the printer noise covers the sound. I pull the page out of the machine and put it in a folder. I drop it in the “Out” box.

I want to watch you out of the corner of my eye as I do this, but the printer is behind me. Once I am free of that folder I look at you again.

“I can’t keep my eyes off of you. I can’t stop watching you. Of course I never really tried to stop…. Does this make me a stalker?” I wonder. “You are just so beautiful.” I squirm in my chair. “You just might shoot me if I said that to you… or if you found out I even thought that. But you are… beautiful, I mean.”

I smile to myself as you lean over to study the blanket on the table in front of you. I realize I am holding my breath. I have never been so thankful for see-thru walls! You look up and I quickly look at the magazine laying on my counter space.

I can feel you watching me. I realize that I am getting hot all over. My skin tingles. If you knew what I was thinking…. Nope. Stop that idea now! You can never know. Cold fear drops into my stomach like lead.

I won’t risk our friendship over this…this… love. I don’t mind loving you at all, I just know you would not appreciate love... This kind of love coming from me.

You step up and say….


I hear the printer across the hall. I know that means you won’t be looking this way so I steal a peek. I can’t decide what I love more…your eyes that I could get lost in or your lips that I want to drown in. You reach for the paper and I find myself wishing I could slide my hand down your side and over that hip… You start to turn around so I look back down at the blanket. *I can do my job. Let’s see… nothing in this grid of light…* I move over 5 inches. Looking at the blanket, all soft and brown… like your eyes. *Stop it*. I take a breath. I spot something in this 5 inch square. I use the tweezers to carefully pick up the fiber and bag it. I couldn’t stop myself. I look over at you. *What’s this?! Were you looking at me?!* I stand up and you look down at your counter. *Did I see interest in those eyes?! Oh please, lord, please* I have no idea why, but I find myself walking to you. Suddenly I am facing you and you look at me waiting and I realize I had nothing to say. Nothing planed. Nothing…. I feel the heat in my face. You start to looked puzzled. I open my mouth and say….

“Will you have breakfast with me after work?”

~I can’t just believe what popped out of my mouth! Did I just say that?! I am not the only one of us shocked. My career, hell, my entire life flashes in front of me. I can hear my Mom faint when she learns her dear baby boy has lost his job for sexual harassment… of another man. I turn to go… maybe to my locker to pack…

You recover quick. You reach out to grab my arm. I feel the heat through my lab coat sleeve. I can’t help it. I shiver and break out into goose bumps.

“Umm okay. Sure?”

Yeah, you sound happy. Not. I groan. Okay, lets salvage this. We can do this as friends. Pals. Buddies. I take a deep breath. I smile. Turn on the charm. “Great.” I say. Oh, that was smooth. Not.

“Who… who else is coming?” you ask.

Damn. Of course he doesn’t want to be alone with me. I must be a nut. Out of the blue I leave my work to just walk over and ask him out. But really, I can’t think of anyone I want to join us.

“Umm Just us? Is that okay?” I realize I can’t breath. I see pinpoints of spots . I remember Grissom saying once that a person can die from fear. Here I go…

“More than okay!” you smile. I can’t look away from your lips. I umm I need… I need to say something quick or I am gonna ruin this by leaning over and kissing you right here and now.

Gil walks in. “Greg, tell me who this is,” he says as he drops 3 bags on the counter.

He looks at me puzzled, but thank the lord he doesn’t say anything about why I am stand in the middle of the DNA lab room when my blanket is across the hall just sitting there. He just smiles slightly and walks out. He says over his shoulder, “Good to see you too Nicky.”

I won’t… I can’t even start to answer that. I gotta get…quick. I start for the door. Then I realize I should say something to Greg before I go.

“Well, okay.” I am still unsure if this is the beginning of what I hope it is. “Umm after work then.” I make myself turn and go back across the hall.


I can’t believe he just asked me out! He did ask me out, didn’t he? I mean, of course he asked... something that amounted to him... and me… going out to eat… but friends did that, right? He does that with Warrick all the time. Sara and Cath, too. It can’t mean he is asking *me* out on a *date*. I just can’t be that lucky. Date or not, I sure ain’t gonna let this chance slip away. Papa Olaf would kick me. You move toward the door. I feel the twinge in my shin already. It’s now or never. Seize the moment… or Nick’s arm that is. I feel his muscles and I will my mind not to think of the actual body under there. All warm and... Stop it.

“Umm okay, sure.” I spit out quick. But I just gotta know. “Who” I swallow and dive in. “Who else is coming?”

I know I sound pathetically hopeful. Did my voice quiver? I want to chew my lip. I feel my tongue licking my lips.

He looks at me worried. Is he having a stroke or am I?

“Umm just us. Is that okay?’ he asks. I love the softness I can feel in his voice.

Like I would say No?! Is he kidding?!

“It’s more than okay!” I blurt out.

Nick is just looking at me. I start to ask him if something is wrong, but Grissom comes in. “Greg, tell me who this is,” he says as he drops 3 bags on the counter.

I say, “Sure thing,” and Grissom smiles at Nick a moment and leaves.

He says something as he walks down the hall I think, but I don’t care. I have a date with Nick and I want to leap up and shout and dance and… get this work done on time!

“Well, okay,” he says, still looking concerned at Grissom until he turns the corner out of sight. “Umm after work then.” he says as he leaves.

I just stop myself from calling out “See you then.” or something else equally stupid. I reach over and flip on my CD. Music fills the room and I rock those DNA tests out!
Point one, he left his work just to ask me out to eat. Point two, he said it was just us. Point three, he seemed like it was important I say yes. Well, I think I have enough of a hypothesis to say this is a date. OK, breath. A date. I can do a date. Oh yeah. I will turn on all the charm I have and I will make sure this isn’t out one and only date. Nick may or may not swing for both teams, but since I think this is a date, then I am gonna go for broke and go all out to win his heart. Oh yes. Love over pancakes. I find myself humming as I finish up the last of my work.

I close my locker and Nick walks up in just a towel.
“Well, this is a nice way to start a date.”
Nick blushed. All the way down his chest.
Umm I… I’ll just get… my clothes.” he says quickly as he reaches in his locker.
Greg smiles and says, ”I’ll just wait for you in the break room.”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll be right out.”

Greg is nervously bouncing his knee when Sara comes in.
“Wanna get breakfast?”
“Umm, no…Thanks I have… plans.”
“Oh, okay. Well, if things change we are going to Pete’s.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“Sure no problem.” She says over her shoulder on her way out the door. She literally bumps into Nick in the hall. Greg’s eyes narrow when she still hold onto his arm. “Oh, hey! Wanna go to Pete’s for breakfast?”
Greg stands. If Nick backs out, he wants to be able to leave quickly.
“Ah, no thanks, Sara. I have a date.”
“Oh, really? You can invite her…”
“No, thanks though. It’s our first date and we..”
“Gottcha,” She said as she walks away. “Have fun," she calls over her shoulder.
Nick smiles at Greg. “Ready?”
“Oh, yeah.”

Nick and Greg walk outside and Nick says, “We can take my truck.”
Once in the truck Nick turns the key and turns down the radio. He asks Greg, “Where would you like to go?”
“Anywhere but Pete’s” is the answer.
Nick just looked at him puzzled.
“That’s where Sara said they were going.”
“Oh. Okay.” Nick smiles.

They end up across town at a dinner that serves beer and breakfast 24/7. Nick has strawberry waffles with whipped cream and Greg has a ham & cheese omelet. Both have a beer. They end up sitting for over an hour talking about nothing, but everything. Greg smiles a lot. Nick blushes a lot.

Nick drives him back to the CSI parking lot. He gets out and walks Greg to his car.

Nick stands in front of Greg, close, but not touching. “I had a great time,” he says softly.
“So did I,” whispers Greg.
“Look. I don’t.. I need to know,” He takes a breath. “Did … is this a… date?”
“Yeah,” Greg smiles.
“Good,” Nick just gazes into Greg’s eyes and says “I really want to kiss you right now, but there are too many cops. Guys kissing in front of cops; bad idea.”
Greg smiles, “I understand. But you could come to my house…. For coffee or something. There are no cops there.”
Nick, “Sounds like a plan.”
“Okay. Follow me.” Greg is all smiles.

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