Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately. If they were I guess I wouldn’t really find the time for writing fics any longer.|
Dedicated to anmani who hopefully can laugh about this story.
Coming out to your parents ala Nick Stokes and Greg Sanders
Everything had been planned so perfectly; every detail had been considered so that the visit would happen without any disturbance. And it had been so easy. The plan was that his parents would come to Vegas, visit him, make sure he was okay, they'd spend an afternoon together drinking coffee or something like that, maybe go see a show afterward, and then they would leave and Nick would have survived another visit.
A simple plan, right? Maybe not that simple, because somewhere down the line, something went wrong.
Greg and Nick had been together for about two years, and everything was perfect. The relationship was great, the sex even better and they were really happy. They talked about everything, knew everything about the other one and Greg had moved in with Nick about eight months ago.
Greg never really had a problem with Nick not being completely open to his parents about being gay. Okay, he'd prefer it if Nick would tell them, but Greg knew better than to push Nick.
All their colleagues knew and so far no one had any problems with it. The few that maybe did have a problem were wise enough to keep their mouths shut about it.
And he really did plan it carefully, planned it so that Greg and his parents wouldn’t really meet each other directly. Greg attending a conference out of town while his parents would be in Vegas was nearly perfect. Not that he didn’t want Greg and his parents to meet, but he knew how that meeting could end, and he really wasn’t ready to deal with that situation yet.
He removed a few pictures that showed him and Greg in more intimate situations than normal friends would ever find themselves in and he also tried to hide a few more things that could indicate that he wasn’t living alone.
It was about 2pm when they arrived at Nick's house, coming straight from the hotel they were staying in during their visit.
"Just a few hours, just a few more hours and they'll be gone again," Nick had to keep telling himself. He really did love his parents, they were really great, especially his mom, but there were just a few things Nick knew his parents wouldn’t want to hear and know about, like their son being gay and living with his boyfriend.
Nick took a deep breath and opened the door.
“Hi, Nicky, you look great,” was the first thing Mrs. Stokes said to her son as she hugged him.
“Pancho, I couldn't agree with your mother more. Vegas really seems to agree with you.” Nick couldn't help but notice that his father opted for the manly "pat on the shoulder" instead of a hug, which might suggest emotion of some sort.
He moved a few months ago, so his parents hadn't seen the new place yet. He didn’t move because of Greg, but had to admit that the new house was much better for two people than his last one.
“It’s kinda big for one person, don’t you think, Bill?” Jillian asked her husband while looking around.
“Yeah you know me, mom. I always needed a lot of space for me. I mean, compared to the ranch in Texas this is kinda small, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but we have 7 children, Nicky, so we needed a lot of space,” she smiled towards her son.
Nick gave them a tour through his place. He knew he had to because, although his parents wouldn’t say it, they needed to see that everything was alright.
In the kitchen, his mother decided on making coffee and was surprised when she found out that her son seemed to drink Blue Hawaiian.
“You know what Blue Hawaiian is?” Nick asked, astonished, not really expecting that his mother knew about it.
“Yes, I read about it in a magazine. Isn’t it like 40 dollars a pound?”
“Yes, but you taste the difference,” he smiled.
Right at that moment, his father came into the kitchen with a weird expression on his face.
“What?” Nick and his mother asked at the same moment.
“Ahm, Pancho, did I just see that you have a parrot?” his father asked.
“Oh…ah, no, that, I mean…yes, I have a parrot. It was a present, from Gr….a friend of mine. He thought I should have some company, and so he … gave me a parrot.”
“Why not a dog or a cat?”
“Well, I assume he thought a talking pet would be better.” He smiled, but felt like throwing up.
He totally forgot about the parrot when trying to hide any indication that he wasn’t living alone. But on the other hand, why should his parents think he was living with someone just because he had a parrot?
“Oh, he can talk?” his mother asked, sounding slightly excited.
“Who?” Nick asked, confused.
“The parrot! You just said your friend thought a talking pet would be better, so I assume the parrot can talk.”
“Ahm, yes, he can talk, every now and then. It’s not like you ask him a question and he starts talking with you. He just says things randomly.”
“What does he say?”
“Ah just…stuff. You know…things like ‘My name is Sponge Bob’ or ‘I really like Nick’. Nothing important.”
“Isn’t Sponge Bob a cartoon?” his mother asked, looking slightly confused.
“Ahm…well, yeah. Sponge Bob is a cartoon. Just… you know it was a name given by the shop. They named him like that.”
“And your friend gave him to you? So you would have some company?” his mother asked.
“Aren’t parrots kind of expensive?”
“Well, uh…yes, but…you know…my friend is….was really…. concerned.”
The truth was, Sponge Bob belonged to Greg and always had and when he moved in, Sponge Bob moved in as well. So far , Nick hadn't had a problem with the parrot. In fact, he actually really liked him. He was entertaining every now and then and Greg was really close to the animal. But, he could hardly tell his parents that the parrot belonged to his boyfriend, could he?
Right in that moment,, a blue and orange parrot flew into the kitchen and settled down on the kitchen counter next to Nick.
“Aw, he’s beautiful,” his mom said, stepping forwards to get closer to the pet.
“So he speaks, but you can’t predict when or what?”
“He talks, every now and then. Can’t really say when he's in the mood for talking. He hasn’t said a word in ages.”
It was quiet for a few moments as Mrs. Stokes admired the bird. Suddenly, the silence was interrupted with the bird saying, “I like lube.”
Judge Stokes and Mrs. Stokes both stared at the animal, looking quite shocked.
“Did that parrot just….did he just say he likes lubrication?” Mr. Stokes asked in disbelief.
Nick thought about it for just a second before simply saying, "No."
He thought about it for another second before going on.
“He said he likes soup. I don’t really know why he says that, since I've never given him soup or anything.”
“Oh, okay, for a second I really thought he said he likes lube. Although, that's ridiculous. How would a parrot know anything about lubrication?”
Nick just stared at the floor, trying not to think about how Sponge Bob knew how lube tasted.
It was about three months ago, when Nick and Greg left a tube of lube open on the bedside table. They had just gotten home from work when they found the parrot in their bedroom, working the tube of lube and eating its contents.
Greg was concerned that his beloved pet might suffer damage from the lube, but so far nothing seemed to be any different about the parrot, except that from then on he would try all day long to get into their bedroom and find some more lube.
“Nicky likes Greg,” was the next thing Sponge Bob said.
“Aw, how nice. Who is Greg?” his mother wanted to know.
“Ahm, my friend who gave me the parrot,” Nick lied, looking at Sponge Bob, who was still sitting on the kitchen counter.
“Nicky shags Greg,” was the next thing you could hear coming from the parrot.
By now, Judge Stokes was staring at the parrot with eyes wide open and in utter disbelief.
Nick looked back at the parrot as well, not believing that this was happening.
“Ahm…. Nicky is … ahm….Greg’s girlfriend. You know, Nicky, the female version,” Nick tried to explain. Then, he turned towards the parrot.
“And I have NO idea where that parrot would have heard such a thing,” he said, raising his voice.
Of course, Nick knew exactly where Sponge Bob got it from. It had been an early Sunday morning when Greg decided it would be fun to teach the parrot some new phrases. Of course, Greg being Greg meant that the sentences weren't as ordinary as "hello and welcome" or "I really do like you", but more like the one Sponge Bob had just said.
Greg spent about three hours teaching the pet all sorts of dirty little sentences, but Sponge Bon never said one of them. What great timing of him to start saying them now.
Greg would certainly be delighted when Nick would inform him that the pet really did learn something.
“Well, I guess you should teach your pet what not to say. People might get the wrong impression about you,” his mother informed Nick.
“Yeah, I definitely have to think about teaching him that there are some things he shouldn't say.”
He wanted to take the parrot into another room where he could go on talking as much as he liked and no one would be able to hear him, but as soon as he reached out for him, Sponge Bob flew away.
He flew through the kitchen and that’s when it really started. He suddenly shouted all sort of things without a break.
“Nicky and Greg are in love.”
“Oh yeah, fuck me harder, Nick, please.”
“Oh, God, yes, you are the best.”
“Right there, oh yeah, right there, oh yeah.”
“I’m coming, I’m coming!”
“Nick Stokes is my own personal sex god.”
“Greg Sanders and Nick Stokes are having really amazing sex.”
This was not happening. Nick was just hoping it was all just a nightmare and he'd be waking up anytime now.
When did Sponge Bob became so talkative, anyway? He barely spoke a word during the past couple of months, and now he suddenly decided on making up for that drought? Worst. Timing. Ever.
Nick also made a mental note to kill Greg, since about ¾ of these sentences were sentences Greg had taught Sponge Bob.
Certainly, there was no way now to actually find any excuse or explanation to convince his parents that things were not like they thought. He certainly couldn’t blame it on TV because the parrot had been so specific. There was no way to change words so it would sound any different and he certainly couldn’t convince his parents that they heard wrong, since Sponge Bob literally screamed.
Nick avoided his parents' faces, knowing that the moment of truth would come soon enough, anyway. Maybe if he just ignored it and would left the kitchen like nothing had happened, his parents would ignore it as well.
God, who was he trying to kid? It DID happen.
There was a long silence and Sponge Bob settled down on the windowsill.
In the end, it was Nick who spoke first, since the silence between them got really awkward and he wasn’t sure if his parents would ever be able to speak again.
“Before one of you asks….yes. I have a boyfriend and his name is Greg, and to be honest with you, it’s his parrot. He brought it when he moved in with me. Yes, we live together. I actually never planned on coming out to you like that and I actually didn’t plan on coming out to you now. There are definitely better ways to come out than this one.”
“So…you ARE gay? And that Greg is your boyfriend?”
“Yes. Listen, I really never panned on coming out to you like that…I just…”
“Did you ever plan on telling us at all?” he heard his father say suddenly, sounding slightly mad.
“Yes. At least I think so. It’s not like I didn’t want to….it’s just….”
“You know…I mean you’re Texan, your mom was Texan as well. I mean, you have to admit you were raised kinda conservative. And you’re a Judge. So what do you think? That I would be all like, ‘Oh he will totally understand me’?”
“So what did you think? What did you think would happen when you told me? When you told us?”
“I don’t know. Probably that you'd get mad and upset and not accept it.”
“We love you, Nicky. And it certainly doesn’t matter to us if you’re gay, bi or straight. We just love you the way you are,” Mrs. Stokes said, resting her left hand on her son’s cheek.
“But honestly, getting informed about the sexual preference of your son by a parrot is definitely something new and unusual,” she finally added with a little smile.
And Nick had to laugh about that as well. Because one way or another, it really was funny coming out because of a parrot that seemed unable to shut up for any considerable period of time.
Oh, Greg would love that story, would probably laugh himself to death when he heard about it.
His boyfriend outted himself because of his parrot.
Later, when his parents had left again, but not before asking Nick all sorts of questions about Greg, Nick tried to get Sponge Bob to talk with him, or at least say something. But the parrot remained silent, not uttering a single word.
He tried to bribe the pet with cookies, cornflakes and anything else he could find but the parrot remained silent like he always had been before.
If Nick didn’t know better he would have expected that Greg planned this, training Sponge Bob to say these things the moment Nick’s parents showed up. But that wasn’t possible.
A/N II: Sponge Bob really exists. His name is Banana’n’Kiwi and belongs to my best friend.