I love you, and I’m okay with that.
“I love you, and I’m okay with that.” I think to myself. “Even if I never say it, I have no problem with loving you. I would say it if I could…if I thought you would be okay with it. But I know you wont, so I just say it inside my head… I haven’t even said it when I was home alone thinking of you. I’m not ashamed of how I fell…it’s just…. everyone knows you are The Ladies’ Man. And I’m not quite a lady. “
I hear myself snort in disgust, but thankfully the printer noise covers the sound. I pull the page out of the machine and put it in a folder. I drop it in the “Out” box.
I am watching you out of the corner of my eye as I do this. Once I am free of that folder I look at you again.
“I can’t keep my eyes off of you. I can’t stop watching you. Of course I never really tried to stop…. Does this make me a stalker?” I wonder. “You are just so beautiful.” I squirm in my chair. “You just might shoot me if I said that to you… or if you found out I even thought that. But you are…beautiful, I mean.”
I smile to myself as you lean over to study the blanket on the table in front of you. I realize I am holding my breath. I have never been so thankful for see thru walls! You look up and I quickly look at the magazine laying on my counter space.
I can feel you watching me. I realize that I am getting hot all over. My skin tingles. If you knew what I was thinking…. Nope. Stop that idea now! You can never know. Cold fear drops into my stomach like lead.
I won’t risk our friendship over this…this… love. I don’t mind loving you at all, I just know you would not appreciate love... This kind of love coming from me.
You step up and say….
I hear the printer across the hall. I know that means you won’t be looking this way so I steal a peek. I can’t decide what I love more…your eyes I could get lost in or your lips I want to dround in. You reach for the paper and I find myself wishing I could slide my hand down your side and over that hip… You start to turn around so I look back down at the blanket. *I can do my job. Let’s see… nothing in this grid of light…* I move over 5 inches. Looking at the blanket, all soft and brown… like your eyes. *Stop it*. I take a breath. I spot something in this 5 inch square. I use the tweezers to carefully pick up the fiber and bag it. I couldn’t stop myself. I look over at you. *What’s this?! Were you looking at me?!* I stand up and you look down at your counter. *Did I see interest in those eyes?! Oh please, lord, please* I have no idea why, but I find myself walking to you. Suddenly I am facing you and you look at me waiting and I realize I had nothing to say. Nothing planed. Nothing…. I feel the heat in my face. You start to looked puzzled. I open my mouth and say….
“Will you have breakfast with me after work?”